If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize