We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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