No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
