I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
