Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
