I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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