Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
