yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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