Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
