im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
