I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
