he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
