you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The air was thick with penises
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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