He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
