I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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