I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
