if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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