Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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