my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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