My room smells like vodka and shame
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
