apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
