Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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