I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
