How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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