We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
