so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
