Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
