i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
