the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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