what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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