Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
