There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize