Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
