I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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