It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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