she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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