I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
