remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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