You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize