Buhtt sex?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
