Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
