what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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