i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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