And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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