Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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