I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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