I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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