At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
