I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
