So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
