u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
