Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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