she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
