I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
