this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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