the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
