My first STD was from a foam party
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
