i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
