you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
