well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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