remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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