don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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