She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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