Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
