i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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