oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
