I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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