maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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