Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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