I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
